Honest Ramblings on the Myths and Truths of "Sleep Training"

Warning:  This is a long rambling post in which I vent and get out some of my regrets/frustrations that have come with having a baby and not sleeping... there will be no pretty pictures to view- if there were you would see a mama that looks like a zombie, a vaccuum cleaner, and a red faced baby.

Baby advice #1:  "Enjoy the sleep while you can... then sleep when baby sleeps!"

Myth or Truth:  TRUTH

While I felt like I took it to heart, even though I wasn't getting that much sleep from months 8-9 of my pregnancy (hello full bladder!), I had NO idea what the lack of sleep that comes with having a baby would be like.

I am not a morning person so it took quite some adjusting to wake up and sometimes stay up with Irelyn.

Our little pookie slept pretty good the first two months of her life.

Then, from months 3-5 we were "blessed" with COLIC.

OH THE NIGHTMARE.

I would not wish a colicky baby on ANYONE.

The things a screaming inconsolable baby does to your sanity are not pleasant.

I am sorry to say at times I resented my little red faced screaming cutie-pie.  

Where was my calm peaceful slumbering newborn??

Why did God give me a screamer??

When would it end??

Ahhh, there were some nights where it wasn't too bad and I would think "Maybe it's finally over!".

Then, we took baby to her four month appointment where the doctor proceeded to tell us she was teething.  

GREAT.

Now, we had a colicky, teething baby.  

Looking back, I am SO glad Irelyn's colicky time was predictable.  The screaming would commence from 6-9pm.  

We used everything from white noise on the radio, the vaccuum (Irelyn's favorite), hair dryers, loud shushing, and bumpy stroller rides to get her to sleep.

I didn't go a lot of places with Irelyn because she hated the carseat and when the car would stop at stop-signs she would start crying.  The last thing I wanted to hear was baby crying during the day when I knew I would have to listen to it for hours at night.

So, out of self preservation I pretty much was holed up at home while I sent the hubby grocery lists via text message.  

Obviously, I got quite lonely.

Unfortunately we were not so involved in a church to where we had people to bring us meals or come visit.  I regret that we didn't make more of an effort in getting to know people in Topeka.  It would have helped out this mama's sleep deprived sanity immensely had we had that support.  

The hubs and I aren't exactly those extroverted personalities that "need-to-be-with-people-to-survive".  We are pretty happy hanging out with each other and occasionally doing social things.

Thankfully we have wonderful family.  My mom and my sister got lots of hysterical phone calls from me and were extremely helpful in calming me down and making me not feel like I'd completely lost my mind.

I digress. 

Baby advice #2: "Food will make your baby sleep longer!" 

Myth or Truth:  MYTH

Also at baby's four month appointment, in addition to the teething news, our pediatrician told us we could start her on solids- and maybe it would help her sleep longer.

I brought this topic up at a Le Leche League meeting and was told that it is better to wait until six months to start baby on solids as it could jeopardize baby's sensitive digestive tract.

This is where asking for advice from lots of different types of people can lead to new mama confusion.  One person tells you one thing, another tells you the complete opposite.

However, I was willing to try ANYTHING that might help Irelyn sleep through the night so we gave rice cereal a shot, at the risk of "damaging" her digestive tract...  she didn't want anything to do with the rice cereal.  Great.  

Luckily, the colicky symptoms went away around 5 months so mostly we were dealing with teething and several wake-ups during the night.

We decided to wait on solids and try again at six months and just deal with the sleep deprivation.  

Six months rolls around and we try again with better success!  Despite the tongue thrust we are able to get baby to eat.  I was so excited thinking this would for sure work and help her sleep through the night.

Nope.  

Even now, at nine months the amount of food Irelyn eats makes NO difference in her sleep patterns.

Baby advice #3: "Stretching their feedings will make them eat more and less often, thus "training" them to last longer through the night."

Myth or Truth:  MYTH (In our case)

I actually think this makes sense and would probably work for some babies.  However, trying to stretch Irelyn an extra hour (at nine months she "should" be able to go four hours between feedings) seems to make her really fussy.  Even when we distract her with toys or games, when this girl gets hungry she's hungry and is NOT interested in playing.  She likes to eat on a three hour schedule.  I do think if we just let her fuss the extra hour for a couple weeks she would eventually get it, but that's two weeks where I don't need to listen to fussing if I just stick to her desired three hour schedule.  Oh well.

Baby advice #4:  "Just let them cry-it-out"

Myth or Truth: UNDECIDED

I say "undecided" because I have talked to people who have actually had this work successfully, but it is a VERY hard sleep training method to put into practice.  

Listening to your baby screaming for you is heartbreaking :(.

Also, the ladies at Le Leche League said cry-it-out is BAD for baby and could lead to baby not feeling comforted and safe.  

Enter new-mom-anxiety again over which advice to follow.  Let her cry-it-out and risk "ruining" our bond or let her cry-it-out MAYBE get my sanity back...hmmm.    

My sister did it with her baby and it worked- for the most part, he still may get up once a night now but that's better than 4-6 times right?!

I braved this method after getting some encouragement from her and deciding if I didn't try it I would go completely insane and I'm a better mommy when I'm not feeling crazy sleep-deprived.

The first night she went to bed okay (she's been going down fairly easy since 6 months), the first time she woke up she cried for one hour, the second time for 45 minutes, and third time for 30 minutes, she slept until 6:30am.

The second night she cried for 30 minutes the first time, and 30 minutes the second time, and then slept until about 6am.

The third night she slept through the night until 6am!  Yeah!

I thought we finally had this sleep thing figured out!

Then, the next two nights she was back to waking up every 2-3 hours and crying for 30 minutes.

At this point I was starting to lose sanity again so I decided to just feed her like usual because I knew she'd fall asleep instantly if I nursed her.

So now we are back to square one.  

Baby advice #5:  "Do what works for you and your baby."

Myth or Truth:  TRUTH (Obviously)

Irelyn wakes up four times a night and I nurse her back to sleep, but at least I don't have to hear her cry-it-out (which was heartbreaking) and I don't lose as much sleep waiting anxiously for her to stop crying.  I still fantasize about trying this method again, and maybe I will get to that point eventually, but for now I will wake up every three hours to feed her.  I will count myself lucky that I have a healthy baby who apparently LOVES my company four times a night, and I will soak up every moment that she wants to be held because she is growing WAY to fast.

Baby advice #6:  "Read parenting books with a grain of salt and do not compare your baby to other babies."

Myth or Truth: TRUTH

I read several parenting/breastfeeding/birthing books before Irelyn was born.  A lot of them were written by doctors, which I guess makes the books seem more credible.  However, after dealing with a pediatrician whose advice I found more annoying and canned than helpful, I was frustrated how he made me feel like my concerns weren't that big of a deal or that my baby's sleep problems could be "solved" by simply following A,B, and C.  I think trusting your instincts and other moms' advice is better for your sanity, and of course finding a pediatrician who you really like and trust makes a world of difference.

Expecting your baby to sleep through the night is like expecting your labor and delivery to go according to your carefully laid out birth plan.  It's nice to think about but don't expect it to happen!

As for "sleep training", well, I think it's more like "parent training".  You decide what you can tolerate and your baby decides what they can tolerate... and then you just deal... and try to smile when someone tells you their baby has slept through the night since birth.

As for what is "normal", well, within the past week I've had one person think my daughter is a year old and another that she's six months old.  She's nine months.

So yeah, there is no NORMAL.

27 on the 27th

Yesterday I turned 27 on the 27th.

I thought that was funny.

The only time in my life it will be that way!

I celebrated by putting up Christmas decorations.

It was fun showing Irelyn the Christmas tree for the first time! 

She just stared and stared.  

I should have taken a picture but I didn't- I will have to do that soon, luckily she reacts the same way every time she sees the tree :).

I am now apparently old enough that I actually had to think about how old I was... seems like I just turned 25.  

Where did the last two years go?

I was looking through old Facebook pictures from college, and for the first time I thought "Wow, I look so young!".  

Yeah, it was a weird feeling.

Last year I was pregnant on my birthday, we just hadn't told anyone yet!

It was a special birthday having my baby girl here-

I look forward to celebrating her birthdays and trying to forget how old I am!

Here's to year 28... I mean 25 ;)!

A few years ago I had scanned some pages from my baby book into the computer.

Little me on my birthday when I was 4, 5, 6, and 7!  So fun :).

A Special Visit

A couple weeks ago my sis and bro and cutie-pie nephew came to visit, we had a great time! My family usually meets up in Newton so it was extra special that they drove a couple hours further to visit our homestead. My mom and dad came for the day too, it was nice to all be together in our tiny abode!
We did some shopping, ate some good food, played with the dogs, and enjoyed cuddles from Easton.

I didn't take a lot of pictures, but Easton was super cute with the dogs. Whenever they would come up to him he'd get a HUGE grin and reach for them! The dogs were very obliging. SO cute.
At this point we don't have to worry about teaching gentle pats or tail pulling... I'm sure that will come later!!

Colorado

Hubby got this in the mail today...



We have been awaiting for it's arrival since October.

While moving probably won't happen... this year... it's nice to have choices.
We've always talked about moving out of state but the thought of moving away from family is hard.
Right now things are fairly flexible with jobs and housing, it would be a fairly simple time to move.

Sometimes it feels like we're going nuts trying to make good decisions for our future. My sis mailed me this book,



It's funny and encouraging and right now is helping me feel at peace about our current situation, as well as future possibilities. This verse used in the book has stuck in my head and been my "theme" for awhile now:

Matthew 6
Do Not Worry

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

The verse always reminds me of the camp song "Seek Ye First", which was always one of my favorites. When I've felt overwhelmed by decisions it is helpful to repeat the verse to myself. When we put God first, "all these things will be given to you".

Whether Colorado or Kansas, it is nice to have choices, and I will be content with that.

Gratitude

I have been thinking a lot about gratitude. It can be hard to find the joy in life when dealing with "grown-up" things like loans, taxes, insurance, and bills. Sometimes it feels like we were never taught about how to handle these responsibilities and it gets overwhelming. There is no GPS for life, and the instructions we get sometimes don't make sense.

A co-worker told me her commitment for lent this year was to be more positive. Whenever I complained she would put a positive spin on it. It was eye opening to hear myself say so many negative things, and instantly have someone look at the flip-side of the situation. I guess if I was in a bad mood this probably would have annoyed me, but instead I found it very uplifting. I have a tendency to have a doomsday outlook on things- especially when I'm tired or stressed. It was a nice reminder that the words we use directly affect our attitude. There are a lot of things to be grateful for.

"The Five Qualities of Gratitude"
http://realzest.com/2010/11/five-qualities-of-grateful-people/

1. Truly grateful people are humble

2. Truly grateful people are content.

3. Truly grateful people aren’t judgmental.

4. Truly grateful people don’t gossip.

5. On the flip side of that, truly grateful people are encouraging.

The author goes into greater detail for each of the five qualities, you'll have read the whole article, she has some enlightening insights. Sometimes we all need to be more self aware, for our own good and for the good of those around us.

2010 Christmas Trees

This is late, but I wanted to post pictures of our two trees this year. We decorated our white tree with the origami wreaths we made last year when we were snowed in over Christmas weekend. The green tree is all angels.
I cut the tops of the trees off in the photos because we still don't have any tree toppers! I couldn't find any I liked. The angel toppers either look like Barbie dolls or have freaky faces, and I wasn't really impressed by any of the star toppers. I might have to make my own!

Changes

The past month, I've been a long term sub at two elementary schools. This is a huge change for me, and it's definitely taken some adjusting to. I am within a year's time of finishing my Masters, which is another thing I am adjusting to. The pay off of being full time ever since I started is that I'll have it soon. A big question looms in my mind though. Do I want to stay in SPED? Or not? My mind turns to a lot of different possibilities. Stay tuned!

On another note, my mom's still in the hospital. Please keep her in your prayers.

Day 23 "Happy Birthday Hubby!"

Happy Birthday to...
The best "dad"

The best "comedian"

The most handsome "explorer"

AND...
THE BEST HUSBAND I COULD HAVE EVER HOPED FOR!


I love you sweetie!
-G
p.s. You will always be older than me ;)

That Special Zen...

For about a month or so, my new "phase" as Gretch likes to call it has really helped me sort out my head about things going on in my life. The phase, otherwise known as woodworking, is something that, if you know my Dad in Law, should come quite naturally to me. There is something special about crafting something out of raw material. I feel that I am doing something I am meant to do--not for a career, money, or anything else, but for the sheer enjoyment of doing something with my hands. So anyways, I thought I'd just write a little snippet for those curious about our goings on. Happy Browsing!

A Quote

How do geese know
when to fly to the sun?
Who tells them the seasons?
How do we, humans, know
when it is time to move on?
As with the migrant birds,
so surely with us, there is a
voice within, if only we
would listen to it, that tells
us so certainly when to go
forth into the unknown.

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

What I've been up too.... (DJ)

1. Looking for work.
2. Doing homework for grad school--got a full load this semester.
3. Learning how to build stuff (means reading a lot of repair manuals and tool books).
4. Figuring out how to pass a certain test and studying for said test.
5. Severely missing my old classroom.
6. Getting teaching licenses for other states (primarily Colorado).
7. Really enjoying Fellowship Bible Church.
8. Contemplating running.
9. Organizing the garage.
10. Learning how to live one day at a time.

Still Here

We're still here.
Neither one of us has felt like blogging lately.
Maybe the blog bug will kick in once the weather cools off.
Maybe sooner... who knows.

Hope you're all doing well and staying COOL.
-D & G

p.s. I think it's time to go back to the beach.

Storm

We made a trip to KC last weekend. Our last stop of the day was to Cabela's. When we left the store the sky was full of thunderheads lit up by the sunset. We don't see sunsets where we live in the city so I was pretty excited. Luckily we managed to avoid the bad weather :).

Look what we found...

A mulberry tree in our backyard!







I think God knew we were missing the farm.

Osage Lake

Osage Lake happens to be about five minutes from the high school where DJ taught this past year. Last weekend I decided I would tag along and see where he would vanish to for a couple hours at the end of a school day.

Catching bait.

Will weeds work?


Nope, had to bring out the lures.

I got bored so I started walking around.

It was a hot day to be out, but we did have some nice cotton ball clouds to provide occasional shade. DJ didn't catch any fish, I think they were smart and headed to cooler waters- that, or the obnoxious teenagers goofing off further down scared them all away.

Oh well, nothing beats a day at the lake, fish or no fish :).

Write your own list...

I wanted to share a personal story with you. In the years I was in college, I was a very confused, idealistic young man. I speak in the past tense but know full well, I am still weary of the ideals I pursue, and if anything, I try to be more discerning.... I digress--during college, a lot happened and it changed me inexorably into the person I am today. One of the things that happened was that some good people taught me the importance of goal making in life. Back in my first senior year (before I left for a time) I was given a great challenge: Write at least 100 lifetime goals and assign dates to the most important ones. Gretchen and I did this together, and it helped us focus some of our worries and thoughts at the time. Looking at the goals I wrote about 4 years ago, many of them were not at all real to me, and I have felt responsible to myself to revise them for some time. Tonight, I finally did so, and though the list isn't at all complete it's a start. I write this all to provide a hopeful, worthwhile challenge to you: Write your own list of goals. Even if they are small, big, and yes unrealistic--they will be there so that you can see them. For those of you reading this, I hope you do so and wish you the best in realizing what is most important to you. Thanks for letting me be vulnerable with you.

Bloom Where You're Planted

We've moved every year since we've been married (and in and out of college dorms before that). With each move we do our best to create our own little "home". Since we are not settled in careers we have not settled on buying a home, thus making it more important to learn how to make the best out of whatever house (and neighborhood) we end up in. We have also had to make the best out of the jobs we have. This is not easy and has been a CONSTANT growing experience for both of us.

I have found this particularly difficult as my jobs since college have not been related to my degree and have been fairly disappointing in the wage department. Granted, I could probably find a higher paying job but I'm fairly picky about needing a creative work atmosphere.

We just found out last Friday that DJ will be hired on again next year with the educational coop. This is a huge blessing and answer to prayer as many teachers we know have been laid off. However, we do not know if the coop will move him to another school or if he will be able to stay at his current location. This could be stressful thinking about moving again but I tell myself that the important thing is he has a job and on top of that great co-workers/administrators through the coop.

My job has had it's share of frustrations too. If there's one thing I've learned at the florist it's how many negative people there are in Topeka. I've had customers yell at me, cuss at me, say inappropriate things to me, and probably worst of all talk DOWN to me. It is not an exaggeration to say that about 75-80% of the people I deal with on the phone or in person are negative. I told DJ the other day that I missed living in a small town because people are so much nicer! Lucky for him he works in a small town high school.

You might be thinking, "How could people possibly be so negative about flowers?". Well:
"This is the UGLIEST arrangement I've ever seen" - How can flowers be ugly?
"It looks like a 10 year old made this" - Would you like to try? It's harder than you think!
"How old are these flowers anyways?" - We don't put out dead flowers.
"It sounds like you don't really care about what I want" - Seriously? I've been helping you for 30 minutes, what more do you want from me???
"Why can't you charge my order to an account? I'll pay for it later." - Yeah right you will.
"You sure need a freaking lot of information from me to get this delivered, this is ridiculous, you're taking forever" - Dude, you just wasted 10 minutes complaining about how long the process of ordering flowers takes.
"My arrangement doesn't look like the picture on your website" - Does a Big Mac you get at McDonalds look like it does in the commercials?

That's just a taste.
Despite the negativity and uncertainty we've had to deal with, we're both doing our best to bloom where we're planted. I just have to remind myself of all the ways we are blessed: food, shelter, the fur-babies, the fact the we have jobs in this roller-coaster economy, and of course each other :).

Also thankful for my camera...
and bunny shaped clouds...



and honeysuckle that makes the air smell like spring :).



*more pictures coming soon...

Words of Encouragement

I just wanted to acknowledge all the people in the past and present who have gone out of their way to make this year a success for me. Many folks have gone out of their way with words of encouragement in regards to this school year and their words of encouragement have meant A LOT to me. I am a words of affirmation type personality--translation: when people compliment me or say nice things to me, I feel really, really good about what I've been doing, and I have been getting this from plenty of caring and generous folks.

Oh, and if you're wondering, I am 95% sure I will have my job for next year. This isn't completely official yet, but according to another teacher hired by TLEC who is in a similar position as I, I will have my job. This, needless to say, is a big blessing to Gretchen and I. I really enjoy my caseload of students, and have made a lot of progress with them, and I hope that we can continue to work together long enough to see them graduate.

Thanks again everyone!

Happy Earth Day!

*Click on the cartoon to enlarge



Baby Blues was one of my favorite cartoons growing up. I totally relate to this even though I don't have kids. Between the dogs and my outdoorsy husband, there certainly is a lot of "earth" in our house :).

I GOT MY CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Details to come... and pictures. Obviously.
SO EXCITED! :D